How Living in Phoenix Impacts Your Relationship (And What Couples Can Do About It)
It’s Not Just You
Relationships are tough and often times, our environments play a big role in those challenges. In my clinical practice, I have noticed that in Phoenix, couples are facing specific challenges unique to the big city desert. Heat, rising costs, and a sprawling city are just some of the things that can make staying close to the person you love more of a challenge. These things aren’t your fault, but how you show up in your relationship is your responsibility and there are things you can do to improve how you do that through the stressors. This blog will explore a few small shifts you can make to help your relationship feel more connected and attuned, specifically while living in Phoenix.
Desert Stressors
In my practice, I’ve seen three main themes come up again and again that are specific to living in The Valley: heat, big city logistics, and cost of living.
Seasonal depression is something we often think of in colder climates, but it is very real in Phoenix too. If you notice yourself pent up inside in the summer with the kids, and the pets, and your spouse, wondering why you’re feeling more agitated or depressed, you’re absolutely not alone. The summer months can present a unique pressure on relationships due to this increased emotional pressure and fewer outlets to release it.
Tool to try: plan solo and together time indoors, but outside of the house. Going to the gym, trying a yoga class, dinner out, or even bowling can be simple and fun ways to release some of that energy while staying cool.
Living in Phoenix, couples may find themselves working on opposite ends of the city, which poses a major challenge to relationship rhythms and self care. Choosing a place to live that minimizes commutes for both partners while also prioritizing the area of the city both enjoy most can create a significant conflict in the relationship. Driving long hours to and from work can decrease energy left for yourself and your partner by the time you’re home.
Tool to try: use commute time as solo time to intentionally decompress. Listen to some music, call a friend, or even allow time for solo emotional processing on the drive so you can arrive home rejuvenated and ready to connect with your partner.
Cost of living is a major stressor across the US, but especially in big cities that have experienced rapid growth like Phoenix. For many couples, money is tight and conversations around spending, career, money values, and debt are common topics. Because money is tied to survival, these are often more emotionally charged conversations and may lead to tension or arguments.
Tool to try: start looking at finances as a necessary third party in your relationship. Challenges aren’t necessarily one person’s fault (important disclaimer - this doesn’t apply to betrayal or financial abuse). If you feel yourself becoming emotionally overwhelmed or angry when talking about money with your partner, take a break and take some deep breaths to regulate your emotions before returning.
How These Stressors Show Up in Relationships
Stressors often show up in similar ways, regardless of the content. Partners may feel disengaged, isolated, irritable, critical or defensive. Especially for things that significantly impact your quality of life, these feelings can be magnified. It’s important to remember that your partner is not the problem, rather, the dynamic and/or the situation is (again, this does not apply to abuse). Trying some of the small tools above, making time to connect with and understand your partner, and naming challenges openly are great ways to navigate some of these challenges as they arise.
When Local Stress Becomes a Therapy Issue
If you’ve tried tools on your own, but you still feel stuck in the negative loop and notice yourself starting to hold anger and resentment toward your partner, therapy can be a good tool to help you make a shift. A neutral and experienced outside third party can make a big difference in naming and gently guiding you and your partner out of harmful patterns that are hard to see when you’re in them.
Your Relationship Isn’t Broken — It’s Responding
Relationships are hard, especially when outside stressors start to creep in. As humans, we respond to our environment and the people around us. If we don’t have the insight and tools to do that well, we can end up hurting those we love the most.
If you and your partner find yourself needing support in Phoenix or Arizona, support is available. You can always reach out to schedule a complimentary consultation and understand your options.
The content of this blog is for education purposes only and is not therapy or advice. Reach out to a licensed professional for specific support or call 911 if you are having a mental health crisis.
